1
‘Last orders!’ Liquid was still packed. Tita looked around. Apart from her and Ron, all their friends had left. Even Robin had deserted them, most likely for some private after-party. They’d started drinking in the afternoon when the wedding ceremony on Knuedler was over. First they’d toasted the newly married couple at Renert’s, then they’d moved on to Rocas where a little buffet had been set out on the first floor. For friends. Tomorrow the couple would celebrate with family. Tita, Ron and the others would turn up after the dinner, for more celebrations: Helena and Dem had wanted it that way. A wedding weekend.
That was why everyone had gone home, Tita realised. They wanted to be fit for the next day. She sighed. They really were getting old... Only a few years ago, and nobody would have worried about partying all night long. Now that they were in their thirties, with jobs, some with children, they had become more health conscious. ‘Reduce the alcohol, cut down on sugar, work out, sleep enough...’ She could hear all the talk about longevity lifestyles. It wasn’t that she didn’t care about those matters, but where had all their mischief gone? – They were invincible after all, fairies of the nightlife, the airy, arty spirits of Grond, Helleggeescht, Bouneweg, Clausen, and Fëschmaart. ‘Tout fout le camp...,’ Tita murmured into her empty glass, and, grumbling, turned to Ron who’d fallen asleep on his bar stool with his head on the counter. She stroked his hair, kissed him on the temple and leaned against his shoulder. ‘Do you think they’ll be happy, Helena and Dem?’ she whispered. ‘I’ve calculated their horoscopes. The moon’s in Uranus right now. That’s good – I think.’ She’d been fascinated by the stars all her life, but she’d only started reading up on astrology recently. Moving her thick long dark hair from one side to the other, she closed her eyes. She’d also take a nap until the bar keeper would kick them out.
2
Titania sits on her moon. She contemplates its silver craters and canyons. Rock and ice as far as the eyes reach, peaks and sinews in convoluted, intriguing shapes. She is far away from her green forest on watery Earth; her new home enchants her with its grey bareness and its spatial peace.
That’s the best part of it: the moon is hers, entirely hers. It’s an extension of Titania the fairy, and just like before, her body has adapted to her new environment. She doesn’t tire of admiring her elasticity. Metallic, sleek, a mixture of stone and malleable iron, her skin glitters silvery, changing from light to dark depending on her energy levels. Her breathing has changed, become more fish-like, although she’s never developed gills. When the uncontrollable flaring of her nostrils set in, she was startled at first but quickly got used to these new sensations in her body. It was the same for her fingers that changed into sinewy stalactites and her blood that acquired a quicksilver thickness. At the beginning she sometimes wondered whether it was all a dream, but by now she is used to her new life. She loves everything about it but most of all how the power of the moon fills her with an incomparable physical and mental strength.
A moon of one’s own – the luxury of lunatics. Oberon would agree. She sees him across her orbit, on his own moon. She waves at him. He waves back and blows her a kiss. Closer to Uranus, is Puck’s place, but Puck’s not at home, as usual. Probably partying somewhere in space or on Earth, Titania smiles to herself. Good for him. Puck goes back from time to time, while Titania and Oberon refuse to set another foot on what used to be their gorgeous, wondrous planet until it started to be infested by those rotten humans. Some rotten humans, Oberon would correct her. Deep-down they weren’t evil, but, he agreed, a few had taken a bad turn lately. Many, Titania would reply.
It was because of those tyrants that they had decided to make use of their secondary residences so graciously discovered by one kind human, William Herschel, in 1787, the year he had located their moons. Two centuries later, in 1985, when Voyager 2 found Puck’s moon, the idea of a safe space had come up. What if things went from worse to worse on Earth? What if Titania and Oberon’s green forests stopped being green? And worst of all: what if climate control was taken out of fairy hands?
This was precisely what had happened. Driven by constant greed, humans ignored the basic requirements of nature, and it was only a matter of time before nature rose up to its own defence, unleashing storms, landslides, wildfires, floods – and, in its vehemence, even surprised Titania and Oberon who had never seen anything like it. They fully grasped the extent of nature’s anger but realised humans continued to play it all down. That was when they spoke to Puck and decided to leave for Uranus and their moons.
3
Titania spreads her silver wings and contemplates them for a moment before taking a few airy leaps and spiralling into the midnight blue gauze she is surrounded by. Fully expanded, her wings shimmer with bright iridescence. She knows she owes them her life. Without those wings she couldn’t have escaped.
She breathes in full lungs of moondust particles and savours how they invigorate her at once. She senses her blood’s alertness, adrenaline pumping through her veins, waking all her powers. It’s the most beautiful love story she’s ever had, this overwhelming joy she’s been filled with ever since she’s started distancing herself from Earth and finding her true home.
And yet, she misses the parties they had on her old planet, the nights of dancing and singing and playing music with all the fairies. Their innocence and carefreeness... The giggles they had, the fantastic energy they shared, the floating, the loving, the playing. The youth. Moving into space has made her feel mature, serene and peaceful – all those emotions that come from cultivating one’s own spatial garden with the few beloved people that matter.
But now is the time for a party. The most extravagant party ever.
It will happen in space. And she, Titania, will organise it.
She already knows how she’ll go about it.
Whirling her pirouettes in the glittering darkness above her moon, she sees Oberon glide towards her, cutting through Uranus’s methane and helium. Despite all the sorrow he caused her on Earth, with his tricks and deceptions, he is still her best friend. Watching him take a swift, elegant turn to slow down his celestial speed, Titania savours the biscuity smell and taste of the atmosphere that doesn’t cease to fill her with joy. How right they were to leave Earth for good.
‘I’ve had an idea,’ she opens their meeting after Puck’s also zoomed in and they’ve all exchanged hugs and news. She points to a rock arrangement and invites her friends to sit down. ‘We’ll organise a party.’
Oberon and Puck look at each other. Like hers, their bodies have also changed in space. Always the tall, strong and muscular fairy, Oberon now resembles a flexible metallic giant, towering over her and airy Puck. Of the three, Puck’s body is the most volatile one, switching colours seamlessly, registering the tiniest change of air. Probably due to his frequent atmospheric trips, Titania suspects. Still more Earth within him.
‘But we had a party yesterday,’ Oberon replies.
‘A real party, I mean, not just the three of us, but hundreds of people! Thousands!’ Titania looks at her two closest friends. ‘You don’t understand!’ she sighs. ‘A party like in the old days! With humans!’
‘Hang on! What do you mean?’ This time it is Puck who looks incredulous.
‘Do you want to go back to Earth? Do you want me to take you along?’ he gasps, visibly uneasy at the thought of having the fairy lady’s company on one of his wild trips. ‘I was going to a wedding party tonight...’ he says.
Titania laughs. ‘Don’t worry, Puck, you go and have fun.’ Caressing her wings, she takes a deep breath and explains.
‘In fact, it’s convenient you’re going out tonight.’ She pauses, clearly enjoying her friends’ slowness and preparing for the moment of triumph that will follow the revelation of her brilliant idea.
‘You will bring back the crowd into space. And we’ll continue the party up here, on our moons. Or even better we’ll use the orbits! We’ll introduce these humans to zero gravity! They’ll love it, I’m sure! They’ll enjoy dancing on Uranus.’
Oberon’s eyes widen, his jaw drops, and he gasps: ‘That’s brilliant, Titania! That’s an excellent idea!’ He hops off his rock and starts to jump around, his metal wings clinking against his back. ‘We’ll have fun, fun, fun,’ he blurts into space. ‘Yeah, you humans, we’ll show you what parties are like on Uranus and our moons!’ And, to celebrate Titania’s genius he instigates a stomping dance around her, hailing her Goddess of Fairies, stretching out his arms and kneeling in front of her. He extends his hand, and, accepting the invitation, Titania joins him for a mad spatial waltz around her moon, before they spiral into starry darkness, leaving Puck to wonder how all this will be accomplished.
‘It’s easy!’ Oberon laughs, taking his rocky seat. Titania nods, giggling to herself while Puck is still at a loss.
‘We’ll proceed as usual,’ Oberon explains. ‘You’ll go to your wedding party tonight. You’ll take our moondust along, and when the party reaches its end, you’ll just sprinkle it into the guests’ eyes, and they’ll follow you without fail.’
‘Exactly,’ Titania joins in while pulling out a flute from under her dress. ‘You’ll play a tune here and there, and they’ll come after you. It will be easy.’
Puck grabs the flute, looks at it. When he tries to produce a few sounds, nothing happens. Only dust flies out under his breath.
Titania pushes the flute away from his mouth. ‘It’s filled with moondust, silly, you can only use it once you’ve sprayed the dust on those people.’
Puck looks at her, impressed by her determination. ‘Right,’ he says, ‘assuming I’ll do this –’
‘It’s not up for debate,’ Oberon interrupts. ‘You will do this, and we don’t want to see you here without that wedding crowd. Is that understood?’
Puck nods but can’t help smirking. ‘Chill, mate,’ he says, ‘I’ll do it. It’ll be fun.’
He looks at the flute, turns it up and down, looks at the holes that spill out space particles.
‘Don’t worry: the flute contains enough dust to bring back the whole of humanity. It doesn’t matter if you lose some on the way,’ Oberon assures him.
‘So, what happens after the party?’ Puck wants to know.
Titania waves her hand. ‘One thing at a time. We’ll decide later.’ Turning towards Oberon, she says: ‘Let’s get everything ready.’ And to Puck: ‘Off you go! Don’t come back on your own.’
4
Around Uranus, the moons’ orbits are bursting with party people. These human satellites revolve around the wondrous fairy couple Titania and Oberon, who for the occasion have inflated their shapes so that they hover like giant holograms over the blue planet, supervising the dancing that happens all around them. They watch their human guests bending, shaking, jiggling in ecstatic pleasure, screaming to the frantic sounds of Puck’s celestial DJ sets, the latter so massive and overpowering they take up his entire moon.
‘And you thought you had good parties?’ Titania shouts out to no one in particular. ‘We’ll show you what a real party is,’ she roars, louder than Puck’s music. ‘And when we let you go, you’ll take the beauty of space with you; you’ll look after dear old Earth for us, and you’ll make sure she’s fine. You’ll forget about your selfish ways: you’ll behave like decent humans for a change...’
Titania embarks on a rant. There are so many things she wants to tell these humans. She realises that she is blurting out all her anger and frustration, bottled up for decades, and that she cannot help it, that it makes her feel better, euphoric, ecstatic even. Finally, she gets the chance to vent, and the party suddenly becomes very different from what she had in mind when she first told Oberon and Puck about it. It is more than a party: it is relief and joy and action. If these humans return to Earth, changed, then surely it will have been worth it.
But what is happening now? Oberon interrupts her flow, shakes her arm and points to the orbits. The spectacle is uncanny. The guests have all stopped dancing. Some are spinning out of control, but most of them are immobile, stuck in a movement. Puck has paused the music. Astounded, he steps into space to join Titania and Oberon. ‘Must be something wrong with the moondust...’ he mutters, gazing around. Oberon’s cancelled the aggrandizing charm and appears in his normal shape next to Puck.
Speechless, they observe what is happening in front of them. The dancers double, triple in size, and then – incredible, amazing, wondrous – they grow long noses and grey ears; their necks stretch out, lowering backs and bottoms so much so that the arms start to function as forelegs. Hang on – are they turning into donkeys? Titania can’t believe her eyes. Panicky, Puck enlarges his hands, and shovels heaps of moondust into the orbits – all to no avail. The donkeys keep floating around. When they reach Puck’s moon, a symphony of hee-haws arises out of nowhere. The braying continues until the first donkeys start to evaporate, leaving tiny electron acoustic waves around Uranus.
‘Where are they going?’ Titania screams, coughing on the particles, leaping back and forth, her wings all electrified. ‘Let’s follow them!’ Her screeching and giggling soon drown out the hee-haws. Oberon just about manages to hold her back, when she aims at mounting one of the passing donkeys. With Titania squeezed in between her friends, they watch until the last asses have vanished. Later, much later, in different worlds and times, they will refer to this party as the most mysterious one of their entire fairy lives, so bizarre they even doubt they remember it correctly.
5
Tita jumped up. The bar was empty, but somebody was shaking her arm.
‘Wake up!’ Robin whispered.
Next to her, Ron was stretching and yawning on his bar stool.
‘I can’t believe you fell asleep! Why didn’t you come to my place? I thought it was clear we’d continue the party.’
Tita looked at him, all drowsy.
‘Let me take you home,’ Robin said.
Tita nodded, but looking at Ron, she wondered what he meant. p
‘Let me take you home,’ Robin said.
Tita nodded, but looking at Ron, she wondered what
he meant